Dear COA Family,
Recently, I came across this social media post by a respected Christian organisation with this message: You can stay in an “unequally-yoked” (cf. 2 Cor 6:14) romantic relationship before marriage because God may be using you to convert the other person.
It then continues: “And instead of destroying such relationships immediately, work towards reconciling them with God.” In other words, it is advising the Christian to stay in the dating relationship to try to lead the other unbelieving party to belief and trust in God, instead of ending it.
I found myself disagreeing with this advice based on the following premises:
1. The fundamental issue of “unequally yoked” relationships (frequently used to refer to a Christian dating a non-believer) is not evangelism but discipleship. The Scriptures make no concession or compromise to the command of marrying a fellow believer. The Apostle Paul writes that “a woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.” (1 Cor 7:39) Every serious dating relationship leads to marriage as the final goal – so it is wise to begin by being careful in choosing who to date. Ultimately, the question is: “Are you willing to obey God’s command instead of going your own way?”
2. Praying for God’s intervention to save your partner while disobeying his command not to be “unequally yoked” smacks of trying to twist God’s arm to make him grant your self-centred wishes. It is like praying for God’s blessing for our sinful action. While God may be merciful to protect you and grant the answer to your prayers, the underlying premise is already wrong. God wants us to obey him in the very first instance. He declares, “To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.” (1 Samuel 15:22) No amount of fervent prayers can make right the disobedient act we choose to commit.
3. Well-meaning attempts to convert a non-believing partner so that God’s command can be fulfilled may also backfire spectacularly. Such efforts to reach out may be seen as coercion or come with undue pressure such that the affected person may go further away from the Lord than before. It is better to remain friends and give the person space to explore the Christian faith and come to a personal decision. That way, his faith will be a genuine and strong one, which will only benefit the relationship in the future.
For the couples who are dating or about to date, trust that God knows you through and through and has the best plan for your life (Psalm 139). He will lead and provide for you as you place your hope and confidence in him (Proverbs 3:5-6). You don’t have to resort to your own reasoning to try to figure out what is best for yourself.
Choose beforehand to obey God’s instructions no matter what happens. By doing this, your faith will grow, and you will live in his highest blessings for you.
God bless,
Revd Ian